“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
One of the new words that recently entered my vocabulary was Limerence. Limerence is described by Dorothy Tennov, the psychologist who coined the term, as
“an uncontrollable, biologically determined, inherently irrational, instinct-like reaction” of infatuation towards another person, with one of its most crucial features being “its intrusiveness, its invasion of consciousness against our will.” ignited by “the uncertainty or doubt, or even some threat to reciprocation”. [Love and Limerence]
This term pieces out love in a more nuanced way. Creating a difference between limerence and other kinds of love based on the emotional and biological obsession created by the uncertainty of the reciprocation in this type of love.
The limerent emotional state is characterized by intrusive thoughts and obsession about the person of infatuation. Thoughts that get fed by interactions in the remote realm of possibility:
“Limerence can live a long life sustained by crumbs. Indeed, overfeeding is perhaps the best way to end it.”
The other part of limerence that I found illuminating was the fact that the limerent obsessive state may even make you blind to the person you feel you love. “Limerence is, above all else, mental activity. It is an interpretation of events, rather than the events themselves. You admire, you are physically attracted, you see, or think you see (or deem it possible to see under “suitable” conditions)”. You may feel you love the person but in this limerent state, you may even be unable to really see or understand the person you “love”. And, as Thay says, “Without understanding, your love is not true love.”
Besides reminding me of my younger self, this concept brought to mind this 2002 song [English Lyrics]:
I recommend reading Maria Popova’s (The Marginalian) post on Love and Limerence if this type of love caught your attention:
